Self-Control: The Inner Battle with Ourselves
Why self-control is often so difficult for us and what we can do to make better decisions.
"Just one more episode. After that, I'll start studying. Really..."
Everywhere in our daily lives lurk temptations we should actually resist to get closer to our long-term goals. Whether it's about our health, personal, or professional goals, our willpower is constantly in demand: Netflix or exercise? Pizza or salad? Instagram or studying for the exam? YouTube or preparing the presentation?
Why is it often so hard for us to control ourselves? And how can we improve our self-control?
Why Self-Control Is Often So Difficult for Us
The problem of self-control is particularly evident in the marshmallow test with children. When children are given the choice between one treat now and two treats later, this roughly corresponds to the problem we often face as adults: Immediate gratification of our desire right now, or a small step toward a bigger goal?
The marshmallow test shows that children above a certain age are capable of so-called delayed gratification. Unfortunately, delayed gratification and self-control are different from riding a bicycle – once learned doesn't mean we can apply it successfully in every situation.
Self-control conflicts arise in decision situations. Typically, there's tension in these situations between an option that satisfies us immediately but only short-term, and a long-term better and wiser alternative.
The problem is that at the very moment of decision, the present is usually more important to us than the future. Because the feeling our reward system triggers here and now when we give in to the urge for immediate gratification is so much more tempting than achieving some diffuse goal that may still be months or years in the future.
Is Our Self-Control Capacity Limited?
For a long time, it was assumed that willpower is a resource that, like muscle strength, could be exhausted and only stressed again after a certain recovery time. However, this assumption turned out to be wrong.
What determines the success or failure of our self-control is not how much self-control we've already expended, but what we believe: In self-control as a limited resource, or that self-control is an ability that cannot be exhausted.
For people who believe in the exhaustion of self-control after a certain amount of use, a certain performance decline can be observed over multiple tasks. People, on the other hand, who view self-control as an ability that cannot be exhausted through use, show unchanged performance even across multiple self-control tasks.
11 Ways to More Self-Control
1. Decide Now
We can use the fact that we prefer to plan self-controlled behavior for the future in the present rather than implementing it immediately to make better decisions: By making a decision now for the future and committing to certain behavior, we can "force" our future self to be reasonable.
2. Change Your Environment and Avoid Triggers
By banishing temptations from our field of vision, we automatically reduce the number of our self-control conflicts. For example, if we want to lose weight, we should put away sweets or ideally banish them entirely from our home.
3. Set Goals
The more concrete the goal we set, the easier self-control becomes. Additional intermediate goals and deadlines increase our productivity by reducing procrastination.
4. Make Plans
In many studies on self-control, if-then plans have proven to be very effective. The more concrete these plans are, the easier their implementation.
- If I crave chocolate, then I'll eat an apple.
- If I've turned off my alarm, then I'll put on my running shoes.
5. Build on Existing Habits
If we manage to link an activity that costs us a lot of willpower with an already existing habit, this activity will become significantly easier after a certain time.
6. Monitor Yourself
On the way to a bigger goal, self-control is easier if we monitor our own behavior and, ideally, document it.
7. Be Mindful
Various studies have shown that mindfulness reduces the desire for immediate gratification and can help view one's own desires more distantly.
8. Change Perspective: What Would Your Future Self Say?
To successfully resolve a self-control conflict, a change of perspective can also be helpful. If we put ourselves in the shoes of our future self looking back at our current decision – what would our future self say?
9. Fresh Start Framing
Studies have found that at times we perceive as the beginning of something new, we make healthier and more controlled decisions. This can be any beginning of the month, any Monday, or even any morning.
10. Increase Your Motivation
When we're extremely motivated to achieve a certain goal, self-control often no longer plays a role at all. We often don't even perceive temptations as such anymore.
11. Never Forget: Self-Control Is Not a Limited Resource!
What Does Self-Control Have to Do with Flow Experience?
According to the flow cycle, we first have to go through the struggle phase to get into flow. In this phase, self-control is important to overcome initial difficulties and persevere.
And once we've successfully mastered this phase without getting frustrated, we'll be rewarded all the more in the end, since flow experience is accompanied by subsequent well-being and great satisfaction.